Fat Kid Friday – Microwaveless Popcorn

Also Known As Popping Corn

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as a microwave. Though our foremother’s lacked the technology to just toss a bag of popcorn into the microwave, they still were able to make popcorn. Even before Jiffy-Pop and popcorn machines became popular in the late 70s / early 80s chicks were making it work. Popcorn is cheap and it’s been around since before history was even history. Today I am going to teach you how to do this as a throwback to our pre-microwave popcorn making mamas. My mother taught me how to do this a year or so ago. In a fit of generosity, she gifted her microwave to a family friend. When she whipped out the kernels and the oil and made this for me, I was so tickled and I thought she was so clever.

I am convinced that this recipe can make anyone fall in love with you. Hear me out: This weekend, the price of admission went up at United Artists and Regal Cinemas. I went to the movies to see Alice in Wonderland (I wrote a review for Cultures Clothing) and that was only because one of my sweet nontraditional college students gifted them to me back in November. (He sensed I was stressed. Bingo!) Under normal circumstances, I do not go to the movies because it is WAY to expensive. Instead I pay Netflix $14 a month and I get all the documentaries, indie, and foreign films I can get my little hands on. It’s a better buy and I don’t have to put on pants. If I had a partner, we would have movie nights. When I offer said partner a snack and they ask if I have popcorn, I am planning on whipping this one out. Sure, it takes longer that 2 minutes and 43 seconds, but it’s the most adorable and thoughtful thing you can do for someone who asks for a snack. This is how I plan on getting someone to fall in love with me, just don’t tell them.

You will need
A large heavy bottomed pot with a lid
1/3 of a cup of popping corn
2-3 tablespoons of oil (Not EVOO)
Sea salt

For optional Buttery Garlic Topping:
3 tablespoons of Earth Balance
1 teaspoon of coarse sea salt
½ tablespoon of garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon of white pepper

1. Before you heat the pot, coat the bottom of the pan with a layer of oil. When the oil is in place, add the popping corn also in a single layer. If one third of a cup is too much, scale it back. Anything more than a single layer will yield a crap-ton of unpopped kernels.

2. Turn the heat on medium under the filled pot. It will start to sizzle. When the first kernel pops, stick the lid on and don’t take it off.
3. The kernels will begin to pop and bounce off the sides and lid of the pan. It will do its own thing for about 5 minutes. Give it a few shakes once or twice, but DO NOT remove the lid.

4. This whole process should go on for about 3-5 minutes. When the popping starts to die down, remove the pot from heat, give it a shake, and let the kernels finish doing their thing. Keep the lid on until they stop all together.

5. While the kernel are dying down, combine ingredients for the Buttery garlic spread in a small sauce pan. Simmer that for about 2 minutes and pour it over your popcorn.

6. Stick it an bowl and enjoy. Honestly, how could you not fall in love with someone who makes you popping corn?

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