Gluten Free Vegan Calzone*

A Dream Come True

*With not so vegan stuffing

JCB alluded to the fact that sometimes we eat things that are very, very bad for us. This concept pays homage to fellow fat kid and former sex worker Sarah Katherine Lewis who penned the book Sex and Bacon: Why I Love Things That are Very, Very Bad for Me. In the book, Lewis talks about the parallels between food and sex. The book is intense and highly recommended. It’s brilliant, actually and available in electronic copy for all you Kindle owners.

The point is, both JBC and I are avoiding lactose. As it turns out, we both have a weakness for lactose in both the literally and metaphorical sense. Our class distinctions are most prevalent when it comes to how we like to consume cheese. I tend to bend to cheese when it’s in the form of Taco Bell. JCB has a soft spot for brie. (Admittedly, we both can throw down some Taco Bell. It is one of the many ties that bind us together. Our friendship transcends class boundaries.)

One day I decided I wanted a dang calzone. JCB and I both avoid the delicious Italian creation because of the cheese and the gluten. I decided enough was enough. It was a labor of love, but we ate like queens that night.

Gluten Free Vegan Calzones with Not So Vegan Stuffing

1 bag of Bob’s Red Mill GF Pizza Crust
4 tablespoons of flaxseed meal or ground flax seeds (for egg replacement)

You will also need
Your favorite pizza toppings for the stuffing

1. Prepare the dough according to the directions on the back of the package of Gluten Free Pizza Crust.

2. Allow dough to rise in a covered bowl for about 20 minutes.

3. Separate dough into two equal halves with your hands. (Do a better job than I did.)

4. Place dough ball on the greased cookie sheet you will use for baking. Using wet hands, form the dough into a circular shape.

5. Toss the dough in the oven for 6 minutes to set it. You do this because there is no gluten and you won’t be able to pick it up and fold it over the yummy stuffing.

6. Remove pizza crust from oven and fill half of it with your favorite pizza toppings.

7. Then fold the empty side over the stuffing and secure with toothpicks. You want to sort of lace the toothpicks into the dough to keep it in line. At this point, the calzone will look like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. “FEED ME, SEYMOUR!”

8. Stick the calzone back in the oven and cook for 8-10 minutes or until golden brown. Remember to remove the toothpicks before eating! Serve with a side of tomato sauce.

See the Slide show below for a visual on the yumminess that commenced that night.

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